The Religious Policeman

By our Crime Correspondent

Western liberals keep criticising us every time we prosecute a witch or sorcerer. Yet they are a real blot on our otherwise law-abiding society. There is an upsurge in Sorcery, as this letter to the Saudi Gazette shows:.

Sir
It was amazing to know that some gangs of sorcerers were busted in Jeddah, while performing dirty tricks, black magic and other life-threatening evil acts. .... These people perform these tactics by writing amulets by writing Qur'anic verses on it upside down or with the blood of snakes, and writing satanic names with their own waste, and making an innocent's life miserable. The authorities must be tough with them.

Absolutely right. We must be tougher with them. And it's a problem we've had for a long time, for far too long. 1400 years, in fact. Do you know who invented Sorcery? I'll give you one guess. Here, from our Resident Imam, is how sorcery was invented.

A Jew by the name of Labid ibn Asim who outwardly posed to be a believer (munafiq) carried out black magic on the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace). He took the hair of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) and made eleven knots and placed it under a rock in a well called Zarwan. The effect of this was that it created uncertainty in the mind of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) as to whether he had done or not done certain things (although this had no effect on his religious and prophetic obligations). At times the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) felt he had accomplished something yet he had not done so and vice versa. The angel Jibra’il informed the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) as to what had occurred and came down with the two Surahs, namely Surah al-Falaq and Surah an-Nas. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) together with the Companions (Allah be pleased with them all) went to the well and removed the knotted hair. As each verse was recited, the knots untied miraculously. At the eleventh knot, the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) was relieved from the effects of this black magic.

It was the Jooos, of course. They invented Sorcery. As well as Bad Hair Days.

Our Resident Imam has to spend a lot of time rescuing people from "Sorcery issues". For example:

Q. Because of some seemingly insignificant differences about the amount of jewelry to be given, my mother has threatened to get someone (whom we know to be very dangerous in such things) to do black magic on one of my in-laws so that they die. .... What should I do?

A. I would recommend that you consult a righteous scholar, to seek protection from magic, because 'black magic' can be very harmful....

Sometimes, the Law already does treat Sorcery quite seriously. You may remember the case of the schoolteacher from up north, in Qaseem, who was charged with witchcraft, amongst other things. In his trial, it was alleged that

He invented an instrument that produces a sound before the fall of rain. He put this machine at the school's gate to help students know if the rain was coming in order to avoid getting wet in their way home. this machine produces musical sound; so his fellow opponent teachers accused him of legalizing music, which is banned in the Wahhabi sect of Islam, and when Muhammed's case went to court, the judge accused him of using witchcraft to operate this instrument!

Judges know all about these things up in Qaseem, that mythical land where the normal laws of Physics do not operate. Witchcraft was the obvious explanation, and the judge should be congratulated on sniffing out this wicked crime. And quite rightly, for this and other heinous crimes, the teacher was sentenced to three years and hundreds of lashes. It is a shame that he was later released, following the whimperings of internet do-gooders and liberals and bed-wetters.

Sometimes the sentence is much harsher.

A Saudi man was today executed for a string of crimes including tricking women into having sex with him using witchcraft. Zayed bin Ali bin Saleh al-Thabiti al-Maliki was beheaded in the city of Taif, in western Saudi Arabia.

....although in this case, he was also guilty of other crimes....

He was convicted of murder, robbery and deceiving women through acts of sorcery to get them into bed.

...so it wasn't just for sorcery. And in fact, the last time that we beheaded someone for just being a sorcerer was ten years ago...

On Friday December 13, 1996 , Abd al-Karim Marai al-Naqshabandi, age forty, was executed in Riyadh. A Syrian national who had worked for Saudi Prince Salman bin Saud bin Abd al-Aziz for over fourteen years, al-Naqshabandi was convicted of practicing witchcraft (sihr) against his employer, who is the son of the former king of Saudi Arabia and the nephew of the current king.

....and that was for sorcery against King Fahd's nephew. But it's really not good enough just to do it just to protect royalty. There's a Sorcery Crime Wave out there, and we also need to protect the common man from it. As Omar Abu Hamzah says in his letter:

These sorcerers should face a death sentence, because they are the major criminals in every society.

Almost "every society", but not quite. This is one thing that the Americans have been good at. They had a major purge on witches back in the 1600's. Especially in Salem, Mass. Hanged or crushed them all.



So how many witches are there now, in Salem, Mass?

Exactly!