The Religious Policeman

(from our Muslim Offense Level correspondent)

I understand from sources close to the MOL (Muslim Offense Level) Adjudication Office that an increase in the level is being contemplated. There is clear evidence that the entire Muslim Ummah has been grievously offended, and yet no apology has been received. However the Unbelievers will not be officially notified for some weeks, for reasons that will become apparent.

The first official indication is that the Saudi newspapers, Arabic and English, are all carrying the same story.

German Airport Authorities Humiliate Saudi Woman Over Veil (Saudi Gazette)

Veiled Saudi Woman ‘Humiliated’ at German Airport (Arab News)

The old woman had visited Munich for medical reasons and was with her son at the airport last Sunday on their way back.

She tells her own story....

When I walked by the security check, an official demanded that I remove my hijab.

Clearly, there are several issues here:

1. The fact that the lady in question has had unspecified parts of her anatomy prodded and poked and possibly had her innards opened up to the elements by Unbeliever male and female medical staff in a German hospital, is no reason for Unbeliever security staff in an airport to expect to be able to see her uncovered face.

2. The fact that one or two Saudis were allegedly implicated in the events of 9/11 is no excuse for such a blatant example of national and racial profiling, even in the proximity of passenger airplanes.

3. The fact that men have allegedly tried to conceal themselves underneath Saudi female attire, including Michael Jackson (see left) while staying in Bahrain, was no reason to doubt that this lady was in fact a lady.

4. If German security staff cannot compare the passport photo of a lady to her face when covered by a veil, then they are grossly incompetent and should be sacked.

Her story continues....

I asked her (the female security guard) to take me to a private room or that we step behind a curtain. It infuriated her and she shouted in my face, attracting the attention of everyone in the terminal,” the woman said.

Apparently there were no private rooms or curtains adjacent. These are standard facilities at every Saudi airport, so that lady travellers may be searched at leisure by our petite, courteous female security staff with warm gentle hands. * It is to Germany's perpetual shame that these facilities are not provided in all airports, for the benefit of Saudi visitors.

“She finally took me to a room but went on abusing me.”
Then a male official started abusing her, reminding her that “she is in Germany”.

"In Germany" implies that the security staff subscribe to some version of Cultural Relativism; in other words, "When in Germany, do as the Germans do". This is totally unacceptable, and we insist that Saudis be allowed to practice their distinctive and unique customs in whatever part of the world they find themselves. The issue will of course be resolved when the place in question becomes the Bavarian Province of the Global Caliphate.

“who do you think you are? You are no one here. You stupid mop. You will uncover your head and I will search your hair piece by piece,” the inspector said, according to the woman.

We have no reason to doubt the Saudi lady's account, and find it totally unacceptable that Unbelievers should shout at a Saudi lady in this way. Saudi ladies are renowned for their quiet modest ways, always speaking to foreign domestic staff and shopkeepers in the kindest of tones, and it is inconceivable that she would not be equally polite with these foreign minions. There is therefore no excuse for their uncouth behavior.

But what is completely unacceptable is that the inspector appears to be a Pearl Jam fan, and his use of the insult "Stupid Mop" is a clear reference to this obscene song, which modesty only allows me to reproduce in part.

Don't you want people to love you?
My spanking, that's the only thing I want so much...

Just like a person having sex feels cared for...
We wanna be loved, so we have sex together...

Dumb old sponge mop... (2x)
Old sponge mop...Dumb old sponge mop...
You're right, this mop's stupid...
Dumb old sponge mop...

The lyrics are obscene, and the words are deliberately designed to taunt a Saudi lady, who, through no fault of her own, is unlikely ever to have used a mop, or even to know what one is.

However, in spite of this extreme provocation, all that was expected was an apology.

Her argument caused the inspector’s boss to intervene and ask her to apologize, which she refused to do.

Not her apology, you stupid Kafiir, we meant the "Pearl Jam" fan and his moronic security colleagues.

The woman explained to another official what had happened and told him that she had complied with all the security requirements and still was treated terribly. He attempted to make his colleagues apologize but they not only refused to do so but kept on shouting with no regard for her age or poor health.

So. No apology. Don't say we didn't warn you, Germany. First Denmark, now it's your turn.

But we'll just wait for the World Cup to finish first. Or whenever our team comes home.

* Inserted at the request of Mrs A, as I have no personal experience of what goes on in these rooms next to the departure lounges in Saudi airports. It is a private joke of ours that we call it "Santa's Grotto". If Mrs A has been a "very good girl", (which means she sets off the metal detector), then she is escorted into this room to "visit Santa". "Santa" appears to be the retired Saudi Women's Wrestling Champion, who is equally delicate with the anatomy of those who "visit". "Santa's" sexuality, of course, is never in any doubt. If Mrs A's Christmas Wish comes true, she gets out relatively unscathed.