The diary of a Saudi man, currently living in the United Kingdom, where the Religious Police no longer trouble him for the moment.
In Memory of the lives of 15 Makkah Schoolgirls, lost when their school burnt down on Monday, 11th March, 2002. The Religious Police would not allow them to leave the building, nor allow the Firemen to enter.
....that I, in my capacity as the Muslim Ummah's official keeper of the "Muslim Offense Level", downgraded the level to "Condition Blue - Somewhat Offended". Although the color does clash a bit with the green of the blog, it is now appropriate because:
- There have been no further major provocations by Unbelievers in recent weeks
- We have now trained the Unbelievers to apologize unconditionally without asking
As an example of point 2, this article (Thanks, "xtmprszntwlfd", but can't you get an easier name?) explains all....
Opus Dei apologizes for cartoon of Mohammed
The Opus Dei prelature has issued an apology for the publication of a sketch depicting Mohammed in hell.
The public apology released by Manuel Sanchez Hurtado, the director of communications for Opus Dei, follows the controversy caused by an illustration in Studi Cattolici, a magazine edited by members of Opus Dei. The illustration showed Mohammed in hell, as depicted by Dante in Canto XXVIII of the Inferno.
Never mind that the original picture was created by Gustave Doré about 150 years ago, we'll still accept apologies for it, however belated. And while you're at it, you can apologize for this other picture as well. It's one of Doré's illustrations for a book on the Crusades, and it's called "Baptism of the Infidels". Which must be a mistake of course, it's not baptism of the Infidels, it's baptism by the Infidels, and they are committing involuntary Apostacy on some of our Muslim brothers, thus condemning their souls to hell-fire. Real full-heat Muslim hell-fire, that is, the stuff that can cook a whole turkey in ten minutes, not your puny Christian stuff that's only good for hardening boiled eggs. So baptising Muslims is definitely worth another apology, not to mention the Crusades themselves....
But I digress. The important thing is that the apology was unsolicited - I mean, which Muslims flick thru a copy of Studi Cattolici with their bedtime cocoa? (Although I have heard that their racing tips are very reliable). It's what we've been trying to encourage all along, a good Pavlovian cycle of
- "Oh, no, we might have offended someone!"
- Grovelling Apology
And not only was it unsolicited, but it came from no less a body than Opus Dei, the secretive and highly disciplined branch of the Roman Catholic Church, recently made more famous by the Da Vinci Code. I've never seen the film, but I understand that the assassin was an albino Opus Dei monk called Silas, who later atones for his sin by whipping himself while wearing a spiked thigh bracelet. So I reckon that a voluntary apology from this celebrity and masochistic Christian organization, especially a good muscular apology involving lots of pain and self-degradation, must be worth a reduction of the MOL by one level. It's just a shame it was done behind closed doors. Although we don't do apologies ourself, it's not a Muslim thing, but we do enjoy a good apology, especially a public one, it's the next best thing to a public execution or flogging, so if you could bear that in mind for next time.
Now if you want to go for broke, I'm prepared to reduce the MOL all the way down to matching Green, but I will need a really good apology for those Crusades, and from another major Christian celebrity or organization. The South Tulsa Baptist Church Altar Cloth Embroidery Guild just won't do, I'm afraid. Nor the Central Manchester Salvation Army Brass Band. Not even Pat Robertson, although he's our kind of guy. No, we're talking major big-time contrition here. I can't be any more specific, because then it wouldn't be a voluntary apology, but I think we're talking fancy robes, and big pointy hats, and maybe balconies, and possibly even German accents....