The Religious Policeman

Great excitement in Liverpool, England. There has been a Miracle!

Muslims flock to see 'miracle' fish

HUNDREDS of Muslims are descending on a Liverpool house to witness what many are calling a miracle.
Two fish are causing huge excitement among the faithful, who say they are each inscribed with holy names.
Worshippers are convinced two Oscar fish bear the names of Allah and Mohammed in their scales.

I am very ambivalent about this. On the one hand, it makes us Muslims as good as all those Catholics who have statues of the Virgin Mary weeping blood and the like, and flock to places like Fatima and Lourdes....

Long queues have been building up outside the terraced house in Mulgrave Street, Toxteth, where the fish are being kept.

....but on the other hand, it bears an uncanny resemblence to that Burger King ice cream top, the one we were getting so upset about all those months ago. This is all very puzzling to a simple Muslim like me, because, back then, my fellow Muslim Mr Rashad Akhtar was saying ....

These people who have designed this think they can get away with this again and again. This is my jihad.

But would Allah himself, displaying a divine sense of humor, deliberately design a fish with His name written blasphemously on it, purposely to offend those Muslims like Mr Akhtar to whom he had not gifted any sense of humor or proportion? What an old rogue that would make Him! But this is all very confusing. I think I'll leave any further commentary to people who know more than I do. I can do no better than to quote the opinion of Al-Jack, long-time reader and commenter on this blog, to whom I defer on all matters Islam. He sees particular merit in fish in general....

Look to the fishes and look no further o my brothers! The fishes swim silently and smoothly, so unlike noisy humans, particularily the heathens of the West who incessantly babble about material goods and possessions. The fishes go with the very flow of nature and do not build towers to false gods like mankind does, towers that rot with time and crumble and provide no spiritual succor to man. They serve a noble purpose and know their place in the grand scheme of design as set forth by God.

....and a particular significance in the fish from Liverpool....

two (2) fishes have appeared bearing the markings of the Prophet Muhammed, May He Rest In Peace, and Allah the Almighty and Eternal. These are signs wonderous to behold! Some are believing they portend the coming of the Mahdi, others more moderate are seeing these fishes as a sign to get clean in thought and deed, for women to cover themselves and quit their lusting for the pleasures of sex and wealth of men and for men to quit their incessant drive for material possessions and power over women and other men. Heed the fishes and get right with Allah. This is what the fishes are saying. Listen to the fishes.

Moreover, miracle upon miracle, a Miracle Fish has set up its own website....

Site of the Miracle Allah Fish, Fish from Allah

Here you will find pictures and videos of the Miracle Fish who bears the name of Allah (swt).
This fish was spotted on 1st Day of Muharram 1427 AH (31 January 2006) in a pet shop in Rawtenstall, Rossendale, Lancashire, UK.
I heard about the fish from the BBC news, and I was so excited, I took my family to see the fish.
We understand from the pet shop owner, Tony from Walker Aquatics, the fish has now been sold. So we decided to publish the photos on the website.

....and, as every good Catholic knows, it's not a proper miracle if someone can't make some money out of it, so Allah (can we call him that?) the fish asks us to donate to his site via PayPal and Visa. He also advertises, amongst other things, "Muslim Singles in UK", showing that he is against arranged marriages, and "Wear the Joy of Jesus" gift badges, showing that he is not a bigot. I'm starting to like this fish.

However, it's not the first miracle fish. There was also the New York Miracle Fish.

Word is made flesh as God reveals himself... as a fish

According to two fish-cutters at the New Square Fish Market, the carp was about to be slaughtered and made into gefilte fish for Sabbath dinner when it suddenly began shouting apocalyptic warnings in Hebrew.

Many believe the carp was channelling the troubled soul of a revered community elder who recently died; others say it was God. The only witnesses to the mystical show were Zalmen Rosen, a 57-year-old Hasid with 11 children, and his co-worker, Luis Nivelo. They say that on 28 January at 4pm they were about to club the carp on the head when it began yelling.
Nivelo, a Gentile who does not understand Hebrew, was so shocked at the sight of a fish talking in any language that he fell over. He ran into the front of the store screaming: 'It's the Devil! The Devil is here!' Then the shop owner heard it shouting warnings and commands too.
'It said "Tzaruch shemirah" and "Hasof bah",' he told the New York Times, 'which essentially means that everyone needs to account for themselves because the end is near.'

Blasphemously, the Jewish Rosen tried to finish the carp off, and got his just rewards...

Rosen tried to kill the fish but injured himself

....but the for the Gentile Nivelo, "Business is business"....

It was finally butchered by Nivelo and sold.

Not that anyone will be selling "Allah" or "Mohammad". They're far too small to eat. In this part of the world, they prefer "Haddock and chips, with mushy peas, salt and vinegar, and a bag of scraps". Wrapped up in newspaper, of course.

Time for lunch. Then, perhaps, a movie.

(Many thanks to reader "timewarp", who, when not deconstructing Camilla's outfit, is busy scouring the blogoshere for fishy stories.)