The Religious Policeman

The answer probably depends on your beliefs. Some may not believe in him at all. Others, like me perhaps, see him as an evil force somewhere out there in the spiritual realm, trying to lead us astray. But some, perhaps encouraged by the Wahabbi Muslim tendency to take everything literally, see him as a real person.

A few of the latter are in Makkah, performing the Hajj. There is a point in the proceedings at Mina where the pilgrims are encouraged to throw stones at three stone pillars, the pillars symbolically representing the Devil. And these pilgrims had a problem with the "symbolic" bit.

A group of foreign pilgrims went on an intensive search in Mina for the devil, Al-Madinah reported. Pilgrims’ guides say they spend a lot of time trying to explain to the pilgrims that the devil does not exist in a physical form. The guides then direct them to the Jamarat area where the stoning takes place. Still, some pilgrims insist on seeking out the devil in Mina to retaliate against the main cause of their misery.

(Travel Tip: when visiting Makkah, don't wear that Spiderman outfit you got for Christmas.) The "Al Madinah" kindly points out that these were "foreign pilgrims", dissociating Saudis from such ignorance and allowing us to feel superior once more, even though this is supposed to be a time when all countries and races come together in equality with no distinction of any kind. In theory, anyway.

Anyway, back to the Devil. Even if he does exist in physical form, the last place he is going to hang around at this time of year is Mina, with two million pilgrims chucking rocks at him. Say what you will about the Devil, he's not stupid. He has other fish to fry. Like whispering into the ear of this Saudi professor of political science who has taught at King Abdulaziz University in Saudi Arabia, at two American universities (the University of California in Irvine and California State University at Pomona) and at two American colleges (Cerritos College and Fullerton College)(thanks, "epiminondas") *

....there is no real freedom in the West. The freedom in the West stops when it comes to discussing the 'holocaust' freely. The Jews and the Zionists control the Western media and the publishing houses, both in Europe and the U.S., and they prevent anyone from expressing a free opinion on the so-called 'holocaust.' I agree with President Ahmadinejad that no one in the entire West can prove any of the Jewish/Zionist lies on the 'holocaust'.

The Devil is extremely pleased with our professor. He goes around bragging to all the jinns and sprites and goblins, about "my boy Abdullah Muhammad Sindi". And indeed he should be proud, because he's done an excellent job on him. Our professor uses his academic status to describe the Holocaust (but note his own artful use of quotation marks) as some sort of accounting fraud. Jewish people all over the world lose contact with six million of their friends and relatives, and The Devil's "little helper" tries make it sound like some World War II version of Enron. The Devil certainly did a number on him. Just a shame he picked on someone so stoopid. After all, academic prowess and common sense don't always coincide.

And just to illustrate the point, here's another Imam and former academic. (Thanks "NahnCee"). He's Egyptian, but that's not particularly relevant. In fact, finding a stoopid Imam somewhere is like shooting fish in a barrel. But what pearls does this one have for us?

According to the religious edict issued by Rashad Hassan Khalil, a former dean of Al-Azhar University's faculty of Sharia, "being completely naked during the act of coitus annuls the marriage".

That's good news for all of us whose fantasy is that we are Walruses, and like to perform while wearing grey Scuba outfits. But it's a bit tough on the rest of you.

* (For the benefit of newbies here, quoting MEMRI drives the Apologists into a foaming-at-the mouth paroxysm of rage. Once they've calmed down a bit and we've put back all the toys in the playpen, they explain that it's because

MEMRI is owned by Jooos....

So you explain patiently that who owns it is irrelevant, all MEMRI does is to translate published material into English. The translations are precise and nothing is invented.)

Yes, but it's owned by Jooos....

And then you explain even more patiently that they only publish stuff from mainstream sources, from people in authority or with reputations in their own countries, not the ravings of some extreme loony in some discussion thread....

But Jooos own and run it....

....so (in the most calming and soothing voice you can muster) if people don't like what is translated, perhaps they shouldn't come out with the garbage in the first place....

....BUT IT'S OWNED BY JOOOS....

....at which point, it's probably an appropriate time to switch off the light, close the door, tiptoe away, and wait for the howling and yelling to settle into gurgles, followed shortly by deep sleep.)