The diary of a Saudi man, currently living in the United Kingdom, where the Religious Police no longer trouble him for the moment.
In Memory of the lives of 15 Makkah Schoolgirls, lost when their school burnt down on Monday, 11th March, 2002. The Religious Police would not allow them to leave the building, nor allow the Firemen to enter.
Sunday, September 04, 2005
"Princess Pushy" tells all
What an awful week. It's still hard to comprehend what we are seeing on the TV.However, as someone with no special insight into disaster relief, hydrological engineering, global warming, US society or domestic politics, I shall refrain from comment; there's too much of that already.
By way of light relief, I turn to one of the UK tabloids, the "News of the World". In spite of the portentious title, it concerns itself little with world news, or indeed UK news. Its specialty is scandal, ideally involving famous people. Its most famous headline was "Freddy Starr ate my hamster". Freddy Starr was a minor celebrity at the time, but ask anyone now and no-one remembers him, only his partiality for a furry snack.
The NoW was also famous for introducing a catchphrase into the English language. When a reporter had managed to gatecrash some orgy, and his photographer had a nice photograph of a member of the House of Lords being lead on all fours by a young lady with a dog-leash, the article invariably ended with the phrase "I made my excuses and left".
The NoW has an investigative reporter called Mazher Mahmood who specializes in pretending to be a Saudi, or "fake sheikh" as they describe him, and then doing a "sting" on some unsuspecting royal. He had already tempted the Queen's son Edward and daughter-in-law Sophie
into blurting out all sorts of indiscretion, so you'd think that by now the royals would spot this guy a mile away. Not so Princess Michael of Kent and her husband, more distant relatives of the Queen. The Brits generally like their royals, but they don't like "Princess Pushy" as she is affectionately known. Partly because she's mid-European in origin, although these royal families have been intermarrying for centuries, so that's nothing unusual. Basically her problem is her mouth; she was upset by a noisy table next to her in a New York restaurant, and made some remark about "going back to the colonies", which is typical of her arrogance combined with a lack of wit.
So, the fake sheikh made an appointment to look round her house, which is up for sale. Naturally, he arrived by helicopter. Now if the Princess had retained me as her advisor on all things Saudi, I would have said that this guy looked very dodgy. For a start, his thobe is too short and his trousers are too long. Saudis are very meticulous about these things, and would much rather have the hem of the thobe trail in the dust than have their trouser bottoms poking out. The second thing is the prayer beads he's got in his hands. A real Saudi uses them like a Greek with his "worry beads", constantly playing and fiddling with them, flicking them back and forth, a remedy for stress. However the guy here is holding his beads like a nun praying the Seven Glorious Mysteries, he's far too delicate with them.
Anyway, the Princess didn't ask my advice, fell for it "hook, line and sinker",and blurted out all sorts of indiscretion. By the standards of modern-day "kiss and tell" it's all quite tame, except that she is talking about her husband's relatives, and royal ones at that.
MONEY-GRABBING Princess Michael of Kent has made a shocking series of deeply offensive revelations about the Royal Family in a grubby bid to sell her £6million home. In an appalling act of betrayal that will devastate William and Harry she cruelly dismissed Princess Diana as a convenient "womb" to bear Charles's heirs and claimed he NEVER loved her.
...and so it goes on...
DIANA was a "bitter", "nasty" and "strange" woman by the time she died. CHARLES was deeply jealous of his first wife's popularity. CAMILLA WILL be crowned Queen—despite the Royal Family's insistence she'll remain Princess Consort —and Charles will NEVER step aside to let William be King. The treacherous princess also: SNEERS that Camilla may seem to be nice but adds cattily that "..nice is very easy". CONFIRMS claims that Diana caught Charles on their honeymoon whispering words of love to Camilla. SPECULATES on the Queen's mental state as she grows older. REVEALS that the Queen still finds it difficult to accept Charles' marriage to Camilla. You can see her thought processes in action - Saudi = Oil = Money = Potential Buyer with £6 million in back pocket; therefore a few bits of royal gossip will flatter him, make him think he's mixing with the upper classes, but as soon as his chopper departs it'll be "Daahling, what an absolutely ghastly little towelhead, did you see his flashy watch, never mind, as long as he buys the house, but don't ever invite him to one of our our shooting parties".
It's a shame. I'd been thinking of a weekend cottage in the Cotswolds, £6 million is a steal, and had booked an appointment thru the estate agent (realtor). But I could no longer go as a Saudi. Instead, with thin moustache, pork-pie hat, and pencil behind my ear, I went as a sleazy tabloid journalist. That worked. However, when she started to talk about Prince Harry's love life, I made my excuses and left.